For Those of You Who Suspect the Wine Business May Lack Meaning
Australian wine manufacturer Yellow Tail, which previously sued wine industry mega-villain Fred Franzia for the unauthorized use of parentheses, continues its crusade to make the world a safer place for mass-market brands. Casella Wines, which owns Yellow Tail, is now suing The Wine Group, producer of Little Roo wines, for putting a wallaby on the wine’s label.
That’s right: Australians are suing each other over who owns the rights to the large, bouncing rodent that is to Australia what the bald eagle is to the United States.
Wine Group lawyers decided against responding directly to the charge (by saying, for example, “Screw you”), instead borrowing a slippery move from my adolescent son and insisting that the wallaby on the label is, in fact, an eastern gray bush kangaroo. It is a distinction without a difference to everyone in the world but the Wine Group’s lawyers, who someone think that it will get them off the hook.
So now we’re going to have an argument about whether people understand the difference between kangaroos and wallabies. The medium of communication in the argument will be press releases and court briefs. Those making the arguments will do so with a straight face.
The argument will go on just long enough for Little Roo to unload its existing inventory. During that time, they’ll redesign the label so that even Casella’s aggressive protectors of the Yellow Tail brand can’t object. My guess: they’ll face the wallaby kangaroo the other way.
And thus millions of dollars and a good portion of the lives of dozens of highly educated attorneys on two continents make the world a better place.
March 1st, 2011 at 11:36 AM
This would be a good place for the last Cristal-Cristalino update — http://tinyurl.com/45rlw3o . Which, sadly, is very much like what you note, Tom.
March 1st, 2011 at 11:29 PM
The new Cristalino label is the equivalent of beating up a 5 year old and then making him wear a sign that says he deserved it.
By the way, down here at the very, very end of the wine biz, people like me and Samantha ( hmm, ” me and Samantha” that has a nice ring to it) skip the wines that are just labels with price tags and find fun stuff for our customers. It does indeed, give meaning to each day.
March 2nd, 2011 at 8:12 AM
Why does it make me feel good to note that where I live we have a garbage pick up company named Casella?
Maybe Casella Australia should sue Casella Elmira for stealing its products…
March 2nd, 2011 at 10:55 AM
Thomas,
Regarding our recent conversation,
If you do have the inclination I would be very curious what your reference books say about the possibilty that long-aged ancient Greek wines may not have had any alcohol left. I’m going to screw around with an open pitcher and a hygrometer and see if I can draw som conclusions.
March 2nd, 2011 at 1:11 PM
Wally,
I’m sure any aging of wine would have created vinegar well before the alcohol evaporated. Long aging would have also evaporated the liquid, but I don’t think long aging was their thing back then, unless you were Egyptian and had to take some wine with you in the tomb to bribe the afterlife gods.