Wine Stores In Hell
Ten ways to tell you’re not in a high-class wine store:
- The name of the shop includes the words “Carry Out.”
- Cashier can barely be seen through bulletproof wire cage.
- Sign by cash register: “No red Zinfandel, so don’t ask.”
- Shelf talkers recommend matching wine with different prescription cough syrups.
- Bottles are arranged in sections based on the animals featured on the labels.
- Wine for sampling tasted straight out of the bottle.
- When asked what goes well with beef, the clerk answers “Potatoes.”
- No “Watch Your Step” sign near the body in Aisle 5.
- Purchased wine is packaged in bags from different fast food outlets.
- The car burning in the parking lot when you come out is yours.
April 23rd, 2011 at 9:45 AM
Wish we had number 4 when I was a teen. We had to figure that one out ourselves!
Funny list. I’ll add one–a real one that happened to me.
In an unknown store in a neighborhood in which I was a visitor. I was looking for Campari, but couldn’t find it anywhere in the store. After a few minutes, the shopkeeper came over to me and asked what I was looking for.
Me: “Have you any Campari?”
He: “Um, Idunno. What kinda wine isit? We doan have alotta strange wine heah.
April 23rd, 2011 at 1:57 PM
The drive-through window is always fun, especially when they ask if you’d like a coke and a cup of ice. I’ve seen them with both a standard window and also a sort of carport where you pull through and the clerk comes through a sliding door.
I was also once at a liquor store in Michigan that sold wine, live bait, and pornography. It wasn’t a convenience store that sold lots of different things, just a shop with three very specific products.
April 23rd, 2011 at 3:45 PM
A store that sells wine, live bait and pornography makes a lot of sense, especially if you consider, as I do, live bait to be just a downscale name for fresh seafood.
April 23rd, 2011 at 7:23 PM
I thought “live bait” and “pornography” was redundantspeak.
April 24th, 2011 at 2:54 PM
I’m not sure porn counts as “live” bait. Strippers would — and a wine store with strippers would be an interesting experiment, except that most wine is bought by women so they’d have to be male strippers. So there’s one more career I miss out on.
Anyway, porn, it seems to me, is the equivalent of an artificial lure.