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The Situation In New Jersey

New Jersey’s legislature passed a direct shipping law yesterday that gets the state out of dutch with the Supreme Court. To which I say: thank goodness. I was worried Scalia was going to have to go up there and bust some kneecaps.

The direct shipping reform was just one part of a busy day for the legislature, which apparently frittered away most of its term taking under-the-table campaign contributions and practicing writing “Mrs. Chris Christie” on pending legislation while staring dreamily out the window. On the last day of the session, more than 150 bills needed to be considered.

To simplify the process, the legislature decided to just give up and turn the state into a basic cable reality show.

“For years we argued that Jersey Shore was not what the state was all about,” said made-up state representative Steven “Guido” Singletary. “After a while, we just decided WTF.”

On the same day the legislature passed direct wine shipping, it also created a pilot program to allow parimutuel betting in bars, exempted beach bars from noise restrictions, and dropped the previously required three-day waiting period to get married.

“Whoo-hoo!” shouted fictional state Senator Angela “Guido” Brancusi, pictured above on the floor of the legislature. “I’m gonna get creepyyyyyyy!”



  • Wine Curmudgeon

    Yes, but will they be allowed direct shipping of rose?

  • Tom Johnson

    This is a complicated legal question, WC. The answer is that shipment of rosé is not governed by the states, but by federal toxic waste statutes. So: rosé can be shipped, but only in approved containers with appropriate warning labels.

    Thanks the for the question, and tune in again next week!