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Archive for the ‘Funny’ Category


Top Five Reasons the White House is No Longer Disclosing Wine Lists

March 14th, 2012 by Tom Johnson

The White House recently announced it will not release wine lists for state dinners. Here are the Top 5 reasons why the White House wine list is now a state secret: President’s bias toward Illinois wine threatens electoral prospects in neighboring Indiana. Plot to distract Republican base from forged birth certificate Fred Franzia was a [...]

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Juiced Moose

September 9th, 2011 by Tom Johnson

A Swedish rescue team has removed a drunken elk from a tree.  The animal was apparently on the hunt for fermenting apples when she lost her balance and became trapped in the tree…It is not unusual to see elk, or moose as they are known in North America, drunk in Sweden during autumn, when there [...]

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Marvin Shanken, Media Genius

September 9th, 2011 by Tom Johnson

The publisher of Wine Spectator and Cigar Aficionado publishes a prototype of a new, specialized “affordable luxury” magazine. Originally published by Snake Oil, which is a very funny website.

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If the Republican Presidential Debate Had Been a Wine Tasting

June 15th, 2011 by Tom Johnson

0:00 Candidates come on stage to the sound of applause and popping corks. Debate Moderator Jancis Robinson welcomes crowd, holds a glass of Champagne toward camera to toast the TV audience. 0:03 In first fireworks of the night, candidate Mitt Romney announces he doesn’t drink. Former Senator Rick Santorum jumps in, saying frantically that he [...]

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Bordeaux Faces Crisis With Astounding Bravery and Fortitude

June 8th, 2011 by Tom Johnson

After announcing the eighth “Vintage of the Century” in ten years, members of the secretive Bordeaux Société d’Exagération Extrême (The Bordeaux Hype Society) went into executive session to deal with what one member described as “the greatest crisis the world has ever faced.” We are running out of merde to justify price increases, and I have thousands [...]

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Please Don’t Cook the Exhibits

May 26th, 2011 by Tom Johnson

I get press releases, and this one amuses me: A Louisville chef known for his seafood wins an award, which is presented at the Monterey Bay Aquarium.

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Wine Stores In Hell

April 22nd, 2011 by Tom Johnson

Ten ways to tell you’re not in a high-class wine store: The name of the shop includes the words “Carry Out.” Cashier can barely be seen through bulletproof wire cage. Sign by cash register: “No red Zinfandel, so don’t ask.” Shelf talkers recommend matching wine with different prescription cough syrups. Bottles are arranged in sections [...]

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Wine Writer Certification Test Cheat Sheet

January 14th, 2011 by Tom Johnson

Enobytes coughed up a hairball when writer Pamela Heiligenthal started a conversation about a certification process for wine writers. As it happens, a wine writer certification test has been in development at the WSET for more than a year. The $850 class is designed to “improve the professionalism and knowledge of wine writers and give the [...]

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Ten Things You Don’t Know About Wine

September 28th, 2010 by Tom Johnson

1. Wine was invented by Spaniards looking for a shorter route to India. 2. The Scuppernong grape, native to the American southeast, is actually not a grape at all, but a legume. 3. During harvest, workers in biodynamic vineyards are not allowed to wear undergarments. 4. Ernest and Julio Gallo started their winery in a [...]

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Impossible Food Match: Domestic Cat

August 10th, 2010 by Tom Johnson

A couple of days ago I joked about semi-retired rocker Sting deciding to eat his cats. Now this: Buffalo police rescued a cat from a Cheektowaga man who apparently was planning to make a meal out of his pet because he thought it was ill-tempered…The cat, according to police, was in a cage “marinating” in [...]

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